I want to share a blog written by the wife of Jimmy Needham(a Christian solo musician)..her name is Kelly Needham...and her words brought me to tears because it is exactly what I needed to hear because of some past stuff. Even if you are not married this is for you ladies because it is always good to gain wisdom before hand..haha...much love to you all..I'm doing fine here in Danville...this is all I have for you today :) God Bless!!
"If you have read any of my blogs thus far, I pray and hope that you have been encouraged to hear from someone who has dealt with this struggle of desiring a relationship with someone on earth more than a relationship with the Creator of it. But I also hope you are encouraged to hear from someone who still currently struggles with being satisfied with God alone. A huge lie is that we will cease to struggle with finding our satisfaction in God alone when we get married. Isn't that what we are talking about? Being satisfied with God in times of singleness? So once the singleness ceases to exist and we are married, that struggle naturally disappears, right? WRONG! If we already struggle with being satisfied with God when we are single, then it gets worse when we are dating or married because now there is someone to take His place. It has all the sudden become dangerous. Now, it's EASY for us to be ok without God (that's a scary thought) because there is someone else's love available for us to choose first. At least when I was single I was either satisfied with God or wasn't satisfied at all. It forced me to continue to seek Him because I knew He was the only one around. I didn't have the option of being satisfied with anyone but God. So here is my personal experience of struggling to find satisfaction in God within our marriage; an update on my life since Jimmy and I have been married. We got married a year ago on August 12, 2006. Leading up to the wedding day was wonderful: I was still falling deeper and deeper in love with Christ and God was using my relationship with Jimmy to grow me and challenge me. The wedding was like a dream and was all about Jesus and we had a wonderful honeymoon alone. Then real life happened. The first thing we did as newly-weds was fly to Nashville so Jimmy could do a few interviews, and appear on an episode of The Logan Show (a Christian version of the Tonight Show). Now up until this point, I had not been traveling with him (obviously because we weren't married) and this was my first time to be introduced to all this music industry, interview, TV stuff. It was probably the most intimidating, discouraging, and threatening things to me as a new wife. Jimmy had his own dressing room and make up lady, everyone wanted to talk to him (no one wanted to talk to me), ask him questions, get things signed, and take pictures. He was being interviewed, singing songs... and I was completely overwhelmed. I had a wealth of thoughts like: No one cares about me, what am I getting myself into, Jimmy doesn't care about me or love me… all sorts of crazy things that weren't true. I was miserable the whole time. I remember sitting alone in the hotel room journaling all of these emotion to God. I felt like I couldn't handle being married to someone who was going to be famous; it was too much for me. I felt too alone and scared. But I just got married… I shouldn't feel alone… but I did. It was a very hard weekend, and I had some very tough days that followed that weekend. There were times when I would sit in the back of the auditorium while Jimmy was performing on stage and cry. "That's my husband on stage. That's Jimmy. All these hundreds of people came to see him. He's got so much attention what does he need me for anyway?" I had known Jimmy since before he got signed, before his songs were on the radio, before anything happened. So to suddenly be traveling with him and see how popular his music really was kind of shocked me. I felt alone. Very alone and scared. It's quite challenging for me sometimes when I turned around to see him standing in the middle of 5 other girls taking a picture. (Side note: I have NO PROBLEM whatsoever with Jimmy being in pictures with other girls, some of you reading this might have a picture with him from a concert or something. That TOTALLY makes sense. If you like an artist's music and respect them and get to see them in concert, it's nice to have a picture with them. Please understand that I think that's fine!) But imagine for a moment, a new wife, already struggling with issues of insecurity, seeing her husband with multitudes of other girls who want his autograph… Satan sure had a field day with my mind. In the midst of my insecurity struggles, God began to reveal the root of the problem: I had begun to find my identity and security in Jimmy. I was seeking to be fulfilled and satisfied by the love of a husband and had traded it for the love of Christ. The same thing that I was writing about in my earlier blogs, I unknowingly was also struggling with. The Lord is good and has been bringing me back to a right view of marriage. Honestly, it has only been until recently that I have been able to fully enjoy serving God while at Jimmy's shows. Now, instead of being caught up in who is talking to my husband, wanting his autograph, or taking away his attention from me, I am able to ask the Lord who He wants me to talk to and encourage. I am able to pray that God would give Jimmy words of encouragement for the people coming to talk to him, instead of being jealous for his attentions. The only reason I was jealous in the first place was because my heart was looking for satisfaction and fulfillment in Jimmy instead of in Christ. But slowly, our Merciful God has brought my heart and mind back to total hope in Him alone. Through this first year of marriage I have learned what I should have known from the beginning: the purpose of marriage is NOT to satisfy my needs. Usually, even if we know that's not the purpose, we often only know that with our head while our heart is still hoping for the fulfillment of its desires through this union. I thought that I knew what it meant to be satisfied with God and Him alone before I got married. And that was probably true, but as soon as life began as a couple, I transferred part of my needs from God to Jimmy, without realizing it. "From the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." In my heart I was aching for satisfaction and fulfillment through my marriage, not through my Maker and Savior. And when marriage didn't satisfy, my mouth began to speak of the disappointment in my heart. First of all, it is my prayer that no one would ever read what I write and think that it's wrong to be excited about marriage. Marriage is an amazing, beautiful, wonderful gift that God created as a picture of His love for us. Our marriage is part of our witness to this world about the love of God. "They will know us by our love for each other." (John 13:35). As Christians, our marriages should be the most passionate ones in all the earth because of the passionate God that we know and serve. We should be more in love with our spouses than anyone else. This is a testimony and a picture of the love between the church, and Christ. Marriage is a gift from the Lord, just like children are a gift from the Lord, just like our families are gifts from the Lord. This is the problem: we have taken what is a gift FROM God and put it in God's place! This is idolatry! Picture this: Imagine you are dating someone. You love and care for him so deeply and his birthday is coming up. So you spend hours searching for the perfect gift. You end up getting him two all day passes to his favorite theme park so you can go together. When you finally give him the gift, he gets so excited that he runs out the door to go right away, leaving you alone. And when he returns you ask what he did with the other ticket, and he says he's going to use it the next day so he can enjoy going twice. Obviously, you would feel hurt. You intended the gift to be enjoyed together and to continue to bring you both closer together. But he took the gift, forgot about you who gave it and enjoyed it all for himself. That is what we have done to our God. He has given us the precious gift of marriage, with the intention of it being a means for us to become closer to Him. But we have taken the gift, forgotten the one who gave it, and tried to enjoy it all for ourselves, seeking to use it to make us as happy and satisfied as possible. What was intended to draw us to God, we have used to satisfy our own needs and desires. Without Christ, we are very, very, very, very, very, very selfish people. My own heart is saddened as I think of how I have neglected the God who gave me life and breath to selfishly satisfy the longings of my heart. So what is the purpose of marriage? It's certainly not to satisfy us and fulfill our needs; that's God's job." ~ Kelly Needham